One thing we should all have a right to is peace of mind in our own homes. Of course, it's never always going to be easy even in relationships in which people do treat each other with love and respect. But to go out of one's way to make another person feel uncomfortable and ill at ease in the one place that should be a place of solace is wrong. I'm sorry that you had that experience, Angèle. What you share will, with hope, be of benefit to someone who needs it, because a bad relationship doesn't have to be overtly abusive to be bad; they can be subtle and easily disguised to those outside of it.
Oh. This broke my heart. I love the nuance in it, the self awareness that shines through as well. What Il´l say is that nothing is as disoirienting as being hurt by people everyone belives to be nice and good. It is such an isolated place to be emotionally. I am glad you are in a good enough place to write about this in such a raw and honest way. Thank you, Angèle.
Thank you so much for writing this piece. Somehow, while reading it, it felt like I am reading what's happening to me right now. I did not go through everything you went through but I am in a similar relationship, scared and unable to move. I had tears coming up knowing I share the same experience with a fellow sister, continents apart yet living the same things. I thank you for putting words on my suffering. I thank you for opening my own eyes to the fact that this is not normal. I'm not ok but I admire that you are. I hope I'll be able to leave soon and that I will be too. Love, D.
Hi Delphine, I'm glad this piece found you then. Don't hesitate to reach out if you feel like talking. I know how isolating it can be. My dms are open, for real. Sending you love 🖤
Ooof, I immediately had to pause to read this as soon as I saw the title, because it's always the soft ones, isn't it? The ones that have built up so much charm and social currency and being so "helpful and kind and sweet" that no one believes you when you say, "Yes, but he's mean. Like, God, he's mean and controlling and demeaning and demoralizing and you feel like shit because..." And there's no way to truly encapsulate just how cruel they are because he's so damn nice to everyone else that you can't help but wonder what's wrong with you. Even if he's done heinous things, right in front of other people, they just turn their heads away and say, "Oh, well, you know, he's just [stressed/anxious/didn't mean it/usually so put together]." And then they side-eye you because "you're doing too much", "you're making it more than it is", "he's just having a bad day," "oh it's so great how you two worked out that little cheating thing he did." I'm divorcing him this year. Seventeen years and I still feel like banging my head against a brickwall because the cognitive dissonance is real and you try to still convince yourself that maybe it's just you.
Oh. This broke my heart. I love the nuance in it, the self awareness that shines through as well. What Il´l say is that nothing is as disoirienting as being hurt by people everyone belives to be nice and good. It is such an isolated place to be emotionally. I am glad you are in a good enough place to write about this in such a raw and honest way. Thank you, Angèle.
One thing we should all have a right to is peace of mind in our own homes. Of course, it's never always going to be easy even in relationships in which people do treat each other with love and respect. But to go out of one's way to make another person feel uncomfortable and ill at ease in the one place that should be a place of solace is wrong. I'm sorry that you had that experience, Angèle. What you share will, with hope, be of benefit to someone who needs it, because a bad relationship doesn't have to be overtly abusive to be bad; they can be subtle and easily disguised to those outside of it.
Many thanks for sharing. Be well!
Thank you for your thoughtful comment Brent. That's the hope, that this finds someone who needs it.
Thank you. This is nuance I have lived, and nuance we need to hear more of.
Well I'm glad this piece found you then.
Oh. This broke my heart. I love the nuance in it, the self awareness that shines through as well. What Il´l say is that nothing is as disoirienting as being hurt by people everyone belives to be nice and good. It is such an isolated place to be emotionally. I am glad you are in a good enough place to write about this in such a raw and honest way. Thank you, Angèle.
It is indeed very isolated, which is why I think writing about it helps to lift the veil.
Thank you for reading Matunda 🖤
I know it's not an easy read.
Thank You. I unfortunately recognize all of this.
Hi Jenny, well than I’m glad you found this piece.
Thank you so much for writing this piece. Somehow, while reading it, it felt like I am reading what's happening to me right now. I did not go through everything you went through but I am in a similar relationship, scared and unable to move. I had tears coming up knowing I share the same experience with a fellow sister, continents apart yet living the same things. I thank you for putting words on my suffering. I thank you for opening my own eyes to the fact that this is not normal. I'm not ok but I admire that you are. I hope I'll be able to leave soon and that I will be too. Love, D.
Hi Delphine, I'm glad this piece found you then. Don't hesitate to reach out if you feel like talking. I know how isolating it can be. My dms are open, for real. Sending you love 🖤
I’m both so very sorry that you had to endure this, but glad that you got out, survived, and living through it. Heartbreakingly beautiful read.
Thank you for reading Ashleigh 🖤
This nuance I have too lived. I hear you. I see you. I don’t know if you are a hugger, but my all my versions wish to hug all of yours.
I'm glad you pulled yourself out of it🫂🫂🫂
Omg. I’ve waited for this!!! Let me just sit down in a good chair. 🥹
Thank you for writing this, it’s so very needed ❤️🩹 So sorry for all you endured.
Ooof, I immediately had to pause to read this as soon as I saw the title, because it's always the soft ones, isn't it? The ones that have built up so much charm and social currency and being so "helpful and kind and sweet" that no one believes you when you say, "Yes, but he's mean. Like, God, he's mean and controlling and demeaning and demoralizing and you feel like shit because..." And there's no way to truly encapsulate just how cruel they are because he's so damn nice to everyone else that you can't help but wonder what's wrong with you. Even if he's done heinous things, right in front of other people, they just turn their heads away and say, "Oh, well, you know, he's just [stressed/anxious/didn't mean it/usually so put together]." And then they side-eye you because "you're doing too much", "you're making it more than it is", "he's just having a bad day," "oh it's so great how you two worked out that little cheating thing he did." I'm divorcing him this year. Seventeen years and I still feel like banging my head against a brickwall because the cognitive dissonance is real and you try to still convince yourself that maybe it's just you.
Oh. This broke my heart. I love the nuance in it, the self awareness that shines through as well. What Il´l say is that nothing is as disoirienting as being hurt by people everyone belives to be nice and good. It is such an isolated place to be emotionally. I am glad you are in a good enough place to write about this in such a raw and honest way. Thank you, Angèle.